Smoothness Evaporated

Everything WAS going so swimmingly with my name change business. I went to the DMV today and had a lovely 15 minute experience. (better than any postal involvement I  have ever had) I don't know why the DMV gets such a bad rap. My new photo is fantastic and I was in and out with a quickness. Second task of the day was the bank to change the last name on my account. That is when the other shoe dropped.

Let's take a step back to 2001. Fresh out of High School, going off into the world, a sweet Katherine and her darling mother go into a Bank of America in Lufkin TX to start a new account for the budding college student. My mother was the co-account holder. Things were different back then. I was going to be in college and my parents wanted access to drop loads of dough into my account at any time I needed it. No not for keg parties and weekend trips to Galveston but for books and other collegiate expenses.

Jump forward to 2007. I am living in Chicago and receive a credit card offer from BOA with a larger credit line than the amount of money I had made that year. The name on the card is of course my mother's and they are trying to send the card to her. I call the bank and ask them to remove my mother from said bank account as it is no longer necessary to have her as my co-account holder. The glorious college days when mom and dad were still taking care of me being over, there was no reason she needed access to my account. I am informed that we both need to be present and sign a number of papers to remove her from the account. I tell them I don't want the credit line and make a mental note: next time I visit my parents to take a trip to the BOA branch in Lufkin. I of course, forget this mental note 10 minutes after my phone call.

Jump forward yet again to Feb. 2012, today in fact. I saunter into the BOA branch downtown with my fresh new Driver's License, hot off the press and my CERTIFIED marriage license. (Everything needs to be certified these days) Feeling very cocky and ready to smack this name change business on the booty.

I proudly boast to the teller "I got married and need to change the last name of my bank account."

"Right this way." She says as she herds me into a nearby office.

I pull out all of my documentation handing over my bank card first. She swiftly types on her keyboard and then looks at me slowly. A wave of dread has come over her face as she suspects what she is about to tell me will be beyond frustrating. I am not able to change MY name on MY account without my mother present to sign off on it. However I can completely close said account WITHOUT her authorization. My head is spinning. I look at the bank employee who also realizes this rule is ludicrous.

"So you are telling me I could completely eliminate my mother's access to this account without her authorization BUT if I want to change just my last name she has to be here." The bank agent oppressively nods. "I can't close my account because I already e-filed my tax return to be deposited into that account. Also I have automatic payments and countless other financial transactions that are tied to this account number."

I try not to sound irritated but it shines through like a beacon of exasperation. I wanted to scream and jump on top of the desk. Everything had been so easy I should have known something like this would arise but unfortunately I was coddled by the no nonsense splendidly swift experiences with both social security and the DMV. I feel silly even typing that but it's true the ONE institution that I thought would be a breeze is giving me the most agitation.

The only solution for my problem is to transfer most of my funds into a new account with my new name (that I opened today) and spend the next few weeks contacting Blue Cross, Netflix, Amazon, Paypal, Virgin Mobile, Commerce Bank, Discover, People's Gas, and the Chicago Transit Authority to have all of my account information updated. And HOPE that I don't forget anyone because even if the account is CLOSED an automatic payment can still go through and I will be charged a overdraft fee if there are no funds available. Sit on my hands and wait for my tax return to come through and then close that account. Let's hope my mother is not secretly planning to deposit thousands of dollars into our joint account and if so Mom, do it before March 1st ;-)!