The Ratscapade

Last night Peter and I went out for a lovely dinner with Nicole and Dan at Red Lobster. Don't knock it! Red Lobster is one of my favorite restaurants. It was fun and exciting and I awoke this morning feeling less than stellar in the head but over all positive about my life and place in the world. I got to sleep in with my fantastic husband and then he even went out and bought me chocolate milk and orange juice for breakfast.

Around noon all hell broke loose. Peter was setting up to make macaroni and cheese in the kitchen and I was lounging in bed. He walked in and told me the rat was back. DAMN THE RAT!  Not only is it back but with a fierceness we had yet to witness.

Heretofore we had only seen him scurry from our spice cabinet to the hot water closet a couple of times and the once when I tried to bash his head in with a boat paddle he scurried from the kitchen underneath the bed in the guest bedroom. Mind you Peter and I have not been around the apartment much this week and the cold weather is setting in here in the windy city. I suppose the bastard thought it would be great to completely set up shop here.  He's obviously gotten very comfortable in our absence as he was out and about in the middle of the day today instead of his normal night time skulking hours.

The ill hatched plan Peter and I devised was that I would again go for the boat paddle and Peter would scare him out of the cabinet. While he was scurrying across the floor I would bash him with the paddle. I don't think I have to tell you, but I will, this technique has NOT worked in the past. However, I would fully enjoy beating this rat to death with an oar, which is probably why it's my go to plan every time we see it.

I waited patiently, oar at the ready position hoisted over my head for maximum crushing capacity and Peter opened the drawers of the cabinet. The rat scurried out, I swung mightily, and of course missed, only by a hair though. The rat scurried under our guest bed and this time I was not letting it off that easy. Peter and I took turns scooting the bed about and pulling out our camping gear piece by piece from underneath the bed while the other of us stood with oar in hand. Peter happened to be the one with the oar when the vermin made his dash for the hot water closet. Peter took three swings, to the disappointment of us both, missed all three times.

Now I was distraught. We have had poison and a trap out for weeks now and nothing. He is either a very smart rat or we were not trying hard enough. The worst part of the whole thing is that up to now we have not  seen any droppings or urine which I felt was a sure sign he was not making camp here full time. Well today we found both! To the hardware store we went and purchased $50 worth of glue and spring traps as well as more poison. Now our kitchen looks like a field of land mines. There are 5 spring traps and 4 glue traps as well as 4 different poisons. My question to you dear readers is this: Should we get a cat?